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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28244964">Endgame</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/karamel_dreams/pseuds/karamel_dreams'>karamel_dreams</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>What if I told you a story... [13]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supergirl (TV 2015)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Christmas AU, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Mon-El (Supergirl TV 2015), Karamel Secret Santa 2020, s4 &amp; s5 are almost entirely ignored</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:08:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,780</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28244964</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/karamel_dreams/pseuds/karamel_dreams</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"...He knew that moment was coming, he knew it wouldn't be long till he saw Kara again, but things happened so fast that he hasn't had the time to fully process it. He's here now — where she is. There is no going back, no excuses, no holdbacks..."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ayla Ranzz/Winn Schott Jr., Kara Danvers/Mon-El</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>What if I told you a story... [13]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1689337</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>64</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chrisifornia/gifts">Chrisifornia</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Well, hello everyone! Here's my story for Karamel Secret Santa 2020.</p><p>I'm happy to gift this story to Andrea aka Chrisifornia, I really hope you're gonna like it ❤️</p><p>Thank you Cassie for organizing the whole thing and inviting me to participate ❤️</p><p>Special thanks go to 93Mika for helping me begin this story. The first paragraph was almost entirely written by her, I only changed a few things to fit my narrative. You're a gem, M. Love you.</p><p>Also, thank you Maria for encouraging me to not give up on this monster of a fic when it started getting too long. You're the nicest!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>The last things Mon-El can remember from the latest battle against the Legion of Super-Villains are the scalding beams piercing his eyes followed by an explosion, which continued to echo through his head long after losing consciousness. For one so used to hangovers, waking up with a pounding headache and a foggy memory is nothing new — it's been a long while since those irresponsible, partying days, however.</p><p>The mattress he's lying on is foreign and uncomfortable, yet he can't decide if he's more relieved about the fact he hasn't awoken on hard concrete, completely alone, or more disappointed that he blanked out and failed his team once again. It's been a busy month and the rivaling legion has caused more trouble than they're worth. And to make things even worse, they've managed to take him out three times in a row and can still roam around the city free.</p><p>"Hey," he hears a voice near him, gentle and familiar. His eyelids are still closed, but he holds onto that single word with unwavering determination, defying his body's prompts to go back to that alluring, sweet unawareness. "Are you awake?"</p><p>His answer comes in the form of a grumble and his eyes open, only to be hit by bright lights that make them sting and pull an added groan out of him. A mumbled curse slips from his chapped lips, and although it's muffled by the oxygen mask covering his mouth, Imra chuckles and squeezes his hand into her own.</p><p>"He's awake," she says to someone at the door, "come in."</p><p>"About time," Winn walks in and approaches from Imra's side. There's a tablet in his hands, which he gives to her, but not before pointing out certain numbers for her to pay extra attention to.</p><p>With a sluggish move, Mon-El uncovers his face. "How long have I been out?"</p><p>"A few hours," his friend responds. "How are you feeling?"</p><p>"Fine."</p><p>A brow is raised. A pair of green eyes roll. "He's fine," the Saturnian repeats, joining the conversation with a tone that's undeniably dripping sarcasm. "With three percent of lead running through his blood and unable to breathe on his own after two doses of the cure. We're calling that 'fine' now."</p><p>Winn throws Mon-El a sympathetic glance, watching him struggle to inhale enough air and still trying to convince them of the opposite. "You're not fine, buddy. You shouldn't have gone out to fight today. You should've stayed behind."</p><p>"You know I couldn't do that," he croaks out.</p><p>"You could let Imra and Garth handle it."</p><p>"They needed backup and Rokk is in no shape to fight."</p><p>"You weren't either. Not after the number Radiation Roy did on your body." Winn's features harden in a manner similar to when he tries to scold his daughter. The only difference is the genuine exasperation flashing across his face, instead of the feigned strictness he usually opts for. "You needed time to recover from his effect first."</p><p>"What I needed was to make sure my friends came back safe," Mon-El counters, his jaw clenching.</p><p>His breathing starts getting shallower and for a few brief moments, the two legionnaires only stare at each other silently, both antagonizing and neither backing off. Nonetheless, Winn's shoulders eventually slump and a heavy sigh escapes him. "You've done enough fighting today," he says, "I can't argue with you when I can hear your lungs wheezing."</p><p>"I'll be fine," the Daxamite insists, a cough rattling his chest and proving his friend right. "Stop worrying so much."</p><p>"Stop giving me reasons to." With that, he leaves the other two alone again, already too worked up and terrified of the talk he knows Imra is going to initiate sooner rather than later.</p><p>"He's right, you know," she starts after a beat, "you were reckless today."</p><p>Mon-El takes a moment to respond, sitting up higher and letting her fix the pillow behind his back. It isn't a matter of discomfort per se, nor inability to offer a quick reply; he's simply testing his mobility and checking how far he's actually taken it this time. "What would you have done?" he asks her, not straying from the subject, "we both know the newbies aren't ready for the battlefield yet and half our team is still on Bismoll for the treaty negotiations. Who could've come instead of me?"</p><p>"I don't blame you for doing what you had to do," she admits and a hand reaches for the mask Mon-El has completely disregarded. He doesn't put it on, but a pleading look from her is enough to convince him to use it to catch his breath again. "I simply wish we had another choice. We've all taken a hit after defeating Brainiac and I don't like our current odds against the other legion."</p><p>"That makes two of us."</p><p>"I spoke with Jo while you were out. I told him he needs to send everyone back by tomorrow and wrap things up on his own."</p><p>Mon-El's shoulders square upon hearing the words. "You think that's a good idea?" He isn't doubting her, though he can't help the hint of uncertainty behind his question.</p><p>"I don't know if it's good," Imra tells him, "but I know it's necessary. The boys and I decided there are a few things that need to be done. With you and Rokk unavailable, Jo on Bismoll and Brainy in the past, Garth and I are severely outnumbered. Bringing the team back is only the first step of many."</p><p>He nods, skeptical but glad he can count on his friends to keep the world running when he can't. "So what's next?"</p><p>"Winn and I had a talk. He's been analyzing our moves regarding the other legion." She pauses at that, glancing around and gesturing to the remaining medical staff to give them some privacy. With a swift motion of her hand and a vocal order, Imra enables a holographic screen at the foot of Mon-El's bed. "Look at this." A setting starts to appear, quickly morphing into that empty field the two usually use for training the newest members; it's the place the first attack of the villains occurred after a long period of no encounters with them. "They first showed up here, when it was only you and the newbies." The image changes, showing the old harbor next. "And then here, when you joined Garth on his ship. We found footage of Cosmic King and Chameleon Chief wandering around the area, but they didn't attack until you showed up." The screen switches to another again, this time depicting the city center. "Echo was having fun that day," she explains, "he didn't hurt anyone, only caused property damage and made a mess just big enough to catch our attention. When Jo and I showed up, he said something about you and disappeared. He didn't even bother to face us." Green eyes meet gray ones, both troubled and concerned. With a motion of a finger, Imra switches to a soundless video. "Roy's turn. He started a fight and never called for backup. It was him against two of our own, but he didn't care about winning. His goal was to hit <em>you</em> specifically. Rokk was only caught in the crossfire when he tried to shield your body with his. But you were the one Roy wanted and he stayed only long enough to make sure he'd gotten you."</p><p>"So I'm the pattern," Mon-El realizes out loud, "where I go, they go. They've been watching me."</p><p>"No, you don't understand," Imra shakes her head, "you aren't the pattern. You're the target."</p><p>"But I wasn't there when the fight broke out against you and Garth today."</p><p>"They might have thought Roy had taken you out and moved to their next target: me," she says the last word with a steadiness unfit for the weight it carries. A quick flash of fear passes across Mon-El's face, nonetheless.</p><p>"Why us? Why not target the weakest first and leave us shorthanded?" he wonders.</p><p>"Winn thinks they are aiming to break the peace treaty. You and I, Rokk, Jo and Garth, we're the ones who've taken over the negotiations and managed to prevent the intergalactic war. He thinks they want to weaken us, so they can persuade the United Planets we aren't strong enough to protect Earth if need be."</p><p>A long but shallow inhale follows as Mon-El leans back, his eyes closing for a few long moments. "Have you started contacting our allies? We're going to need help," he says.</p><p>"I have. But we need to talk about something else too."</p><p>"What?" his head turns toward her again. There's an increasing tightness in his chest that he can't get rid of and the edges of his vision have started to blur. Thus his gaze is unfocused, causing the brunette to sigh.</p><p>She stands off her seat and joins Mon-El on the bed, swiftly slipping next to him and pressing the oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. "With all our allies by our side, the villains don't stand a chance. And Garth talked to Rokk about recruiting a few more new members. There's one thing only you can do, though." A raised brow serves as a question the hero doesn't voice. "You need to leave," she states in response and silences his immediate attempt to protest. "Please, hear me out," despite the less intimidating choice of words, the strictness in her expression is clear. "Roy's radiation has weakened your immunity system and affected your resistance to lead. And the cure isn't working properly, because your body is fighting itself right now." The holographic screen is turned off and she reaches for the tablet showcasing Mon-El's stats to show him the numbers Winn had pointed out earlier. "Your heart rate is twice as fast and your oxygen levels are dropping by the hour. Not to mention your temperature, which is higher than it's ever been recorded in your file."</p><p>"It'll pass, I'll be fine," comes his unconvincing response.</p><p>"I spoke with our doctors. You won't be fine unless you get another cure. And we need Brainy for that."</p><p>Mon-El doesn't need to think it over for long to know where the conversation is heading. "So you want me to go back to him," he voices his thoughts.</p><p>"Yes." Imra's hand reaches out to hold his and her relief is easily discernible when he allows it.</p><p>"But we've talked about it. If I go back, I won't be returning here."</p><p>A nod is given. "I know," she says simply.</p><p>"Then why? Why do you want to send me away right now?" He sits up straighter again, a weak cough disrupting his speech. "With everything that's going on?"</p><p>"Because I don't know if you can survive another fight." Somehow, that line alone is able to hold all the fear and worry and helplessness her gaze has been spelling out since the moment she saw him fall unconscious. Back then, he didn't get the chance to see it, but right now it's clear as day. "Because the fastest way to your recovery is getting you to Brainy," the brunette continues, "because you're my best friend and I don't mind fighting a war without you, if that means you're safe and back where you belong."</p><p>"Are you sure?" Mon-El sounds stunned, her emotions hitting him hard and making him see things from a different perspective. If she were in his place, he would do the same and he knows it. Every member of their team is valuable and close to his heart, but the bond he and Imra share will always be something stronger. She's not a part of the future and the legion and the Kara-less life. She's a part of him like Winn and Alex and J'onn are; she's family. And it's only now that he realizes his heart was never divided between the two women of his life — he never had to give one up to have the other. If he goes back to Kara, he can take Imra with him the same way he's been carrying his past friends, his <em>first</em> friends inside him ever since his initial trip through time. And finally surrendering to the love he never let go of doesn't mean he can't hold onto that different kind of love he has for the woman right in front of him.</p><p>"I'm sure," she says, studying him like she can read every thought circling around in his mind and offering confirmation. "Look, if you choose to return, you'll always be welcome. But right now, the reasons to go are more important than any excuse we could find for you to stay."</p><p>"You've thought it all out, haven't you?" The tiniest of smiles is curving the corners of his mouth.</p><p>"I'm not the only one who wants you to go home. You've done more than enough here, but we all know your place isn't here, it's with Kara."</p><p>"Thank you," he says, feeling like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders.</p><p>Imra smiles back at him, gentle and warm. "Winn is going to come with you, his homesickness has been getting a little annoying," she jokes and her features twist into an exaggerated grimace.</p><p>Mon-El's response is a hoarse chuckle. "That's true," he says, "but what about Ayla?"</p><p>"Ayla has wanted to retire ever since Mary was born. It wasn't a hard decision to make."</p><p>He nods at her, all the puzzle pieces coming together until there's only one question he can ask. "So when are we leaving?"</p><p>"Your ship is almost ready," her lips twitch into a sadder kind of curve. "Whenever you all finish saying your goodbyes, you're free to go."</p><p>Looking upwards for a second and getting lost in a sudden wave of excitement, the 'goodbyes' pass him by. "I didn't think this day would come," he admits, "I thought it was over. That I lost my chance."</p><p>"You didn't," Imra shakes her head.</p><p>"Okay." He sobers up again. "But this is not goodbye for us, is it?"</p><p>"No," scooting closer, she meets him halfway as he reaches out for a hug. "You were always my friend above everything else. I'm not letting you go, I'm only telling you you're free to go your own way."</p><p>"You know you can do that too, right?" He pulls back enough to be able to look into her eyes. "Garth told me you've been talking about having a baby and starting a family together. You should go for it. You deserve to have the life you're dreaming of."</p><p>The brunette stays silent for a moment, fully taking what he's just said in. "Did you ever think we'd end up like this?" she laughs suddenly.</p><p>"No, but it's good, right?"</p><p>"Yeah, it's good." She presses a kiss to his cheek and stands up. Their eyes lock together, their smiles bittersweet in similar ways. True to her promise, she doesn't say goodbye, doesn't even dare to entertain the possibility it might be the last time they're seeing each other. Instead, she says something else, something that could be so wrong if said at another time, but feels so right at the moment: "Get better and go get her." </p><hr/><p>Mon-El would love to say that it's an easy (or bumpy) trip through time and National City welcomes them with the most stunning hues of red, orange and yellow, as the sun slips lower and lower to meet the horizon. He'd love to say that he's watched the Earth get closer and clearer and his heart's filled up with the sweetest nostalgia. He could even ask his friends to fill him in, give him enough pieces to assemble a whole picture that will serve as a memory to revisit later.</p><p>The truth is different, however. In reality, he didn't stay awake for any of it. And the only reminiscent he has to hold onto is Mary's gentle weight settled in his arms while some of her favorite cartoons play on the holographic screen in his room. Anything other than that is lost on him, and when their ship has landed somewhere in the outskirts of the city, the first face he sees is once again his niece's.</p><p>Carefully, he uses one hand to get rid of the breathing aids and doesn't bother pulling off all the little wires and monitors beneath his shirt and attached to his arms and fingers. He doesn't even glance at his stats to know where he's at, only gathers Mary's slumbering form and heads for the control room.</p><p>Exhausted and a little disoriented, he's guided by familiar voices through the spaceship corridors. His steps are slow and his lungs are already protesting in every inhale. The back of his shirt is sticking to his skin, a pestering reminder of his high fever, but he can't use a hand to wipe the sweat from his face without risking dropping his precious little lady, thus his shoulder raises to half-successfully complete the task.</p><p>"There you two are," he hears Ayla greet him as soon as he's approached her. She's with Winn and Brainy, talking, probably going over their situation and explaining their sudden return. They pause when Mon-El appears and the mother reaches for the girl in his arms. "She didn't bother you, did she?" she asks.</p><p>"Never," he replies, shaking his head slightly. "Hey, Brainy," he turns toward his other friend, "it's good to see you."</p><p>"Likewise," Brainy offers a curt nod. "I have been informed you are unwell and require a new cure for your lead allergy."</p><p>"Straight to business, huh?" His brows furrow, yet his mouth twitches into a smile. "I can't say I missed that."</p><p>"Yeah, me neither," Winn says, clapping Brainy's back and confusing the latter as to what the gesture is supposed to mean.</p><p>"Is everything okay here? We haven't arrived in the middle of another crisis, have we?" Mon-El speaks again.</p><p>"Brainy says it's been quiet lately."</p><p>"That is correct."</p><p>"Maybe it's the Christmas spirit," Winn exclaims with enough excitement to make up for the fact he's the only one in the room the holiday means something to. "It's December 22st! We've arrived at the perfect time!"</p><p>"Dada?" a small voice pops up. "What's Christmas?"</p><p>"Well, princess, Christmas is a biiig day. We eat and sing and dance and give presents to the people we love," the little girl is passed over to her father, her drooping eyes widening and lighting up with every word said. Intrigue melts into enthusiasm and the more theatrical and exaggerated his voice becomes, the more enraptured Mary gets.</p><p>"Supergirl has invited us over for dinner. It's a Christmas tradition she and Winn have, apparently," Ayla says. There's a sparkle of awe in her gaze, as if she's still struggling to comprehend the fact her husband is the legendary heroine's best friend.</p><p>"Yeah, we were thinking of going to my mom's, but we can't break the tradition now, can we?" Winn adds.</p><p>Mon-El doesn't speak right away, needing a moment to ground himself. His nostrils flare and a deep inhale makes his shoulders rise. He knew that moment was coming, he knew it wouldn't be long till he saw Kara again, but things happened so fast that he hasn't had the time to fully process it. He's here now — where she is. There is no going back, no excuses, no holdbacks.</p><p>Within a second, it all starts dawning on him. This is it. He's come back. But he doesn't know whether she's still waiting for him — or if she ever did. She might not be interested anymore or tired of their back and forth. She could even be with someone else. There could be a thousand possibilities he's oblivious to and a thousand more tragedies awaiting him.</p><p>Panic starts to set in, making him feel light-headed and weighed down at the same time. His heart is racing, though he doesn't realize it. He can't focus on his body when his head is so inundated.</p><p>She might not want him. What if she doesn't want him? What is he going to do if she doesn't want him?</p><p>"You saw Kara?" he asks the couple. His eyes grow wide as his throat aches through a dry swallow.</p><p>"I contacted Brainy through our rings and we all met at Kara's place after we landed. She'll be arriving soon, but she had to pick some things up first." Winn studies him carefully, his features twisting in obvious concern. "You okay?" he asks, taking a step closer to his distraught friend.</p><p>"Yeah, yeah," Mon-El croaks out. "I just–" a hand is raised to wipe his flushed forehead, "I'm here, I'm back."</p><p>"I know, buddy, I know." Winn gives him a generous, yet sad smile. "It's going to be okay. She still loves you, you know?"</p><p>"What if– what if..." he stumbles over his words, unable to voice his biggest fear. Perhaps it's his exhausted body protesting against another struggle. Or his broken heart wavering in the possibility of more pain. Or his fever messing him up and heightening what he's already feeling; turning uncertainty into anxiety, fear into terror, doubt into panic. He doesn't know. All he knows is that he's choked up on an unfulfilled wish and a scalding need and a wild desperation only Kara can mollify.</p><p>"She does," Winn insists, "right, Brainy?" He gives the Coluan a pointed look, willing him to understand what he's supposed to respond.</p><p>"I guess," Brainy replies in a flat tone. "According to my calculations, there is a sixty seven point twenty fi–"</p><p>"Right, Brainy?" Ayla repeats her husband's words, adding emphasis.</p><p>Finally, the half-computer Legionnaire catches up. "Right," he says.</p><p>"Okay," Mon-El nods, sounding breathless.</p><p>Everyone can see him struggling, thus it's no surprise when the little one picks up on it too. "MoMo?" she says, wiggling in her father's hold to signify the fact she wants to switch embraces.</p><p>"Yes, little love?" The second she reaches out for him, he takes her back into his arms, pressing a light kiss to her temple. "What is it?" he asks. She mumbles something in his ear, earning a nod and a positive hum from him. He can barely understand half of it. It doesn't matter though; he can put two and two together. So he turns around, leaving the other three alone again and walks away with Mary to get her beloved stuffed giraffe. Because, apparently,  he "needs some happy" — her words. And what is Mr. Happy the giraffe for, if not to give some happy to her MoMo when he's all "sad and g'umpy" — again, her words.</p><hr/><p>A short while later, the hero finds himself sitting alone in the kitchen area. Mary spilled juice all over herself, so Winn and Ayla left to give her a bath. And Brainy retreated to his old office on the ship, needing to go through Mon-El's medical file and everything else the legion's doctors have reported as his health continued to decline.</p><p>The ship is so big it's practically a house. It's served as living accommodations so many times before, through every trip on foreign planets and short stay away from the legion headquarters. Nevertheless, despite the countless days Mon-El has spent roaming around its vast space and many rooms, there's a certain coldness to it. It's not homey or welcoming — rather faceless instead. With its harsh lights and cool colors, the softest hum coming from the engines and the windowless interior, nothing is prompting him to go back to his room. So he's stuck in the kitchen, slowly munching on some kind of sweet bread Ayla made, trying to ignore the ache in his stomach and the nausea that's growing stronger with each bite.</p><p>And that's where Kara meets him when she arrives at last. He doesn't know how she's slipped inside; one of the others must have granted her entrance before the ship could notify them of the intrusion. So he's surprised when he hears her voice so close and lifts his chin to look at her.</p><p>"Hey," she says from the entrance, a small smile on her lips.</p><p>He's frozen and unsure the same way she seems to be. "Kara," he breathes out, "you came."</p><p>"Of course I came," is her immediate response. For a second she doesn't move, only stares at him. But then he stands up and she takes it as an invitation to finally step in. "I've missed you so much."</p><p>Her arms open and he walks into her embrace without a second thought. It's deja vu of some sort, taking them back to the other time he'd landed in the past and she'd found him on this very ship. "I've missed you too," he mumbles, letting her squeeze him and melting into her hold.</p><p>The closer she is, the quieter his doubts become. And the tighter she holds him, the more hopeful he grows.</p><p>"Let me see you," her body pulls away, though her hands slide from the back of his neck to his cheeks, keeping the contact. "You're burning up."</p><p>"Sorry," he says, suddenly self-conscious. With a step back, he attempts to reclaim a certain distance.</p><p>"No, Mon-El," she stops him, "come here." Careful of the monitor and the wires wrapped around his wrist, she grasps onto his hand and roots him on the spot. "I know what's going on. Winn explained everything."</p><p>"I'm sorry. I know this isn't what you expected."</p><p>"Hey," with a finger under his chin, she guides his lowered gaze back to her. "No more apologies, remember? You promised me."</p><p>"I know, I just–" there's something in the blue of her eyes that stops him short. The abundance of emotion floors him. He forgot how generous she is, how easy it's always been to read her. So his words fail him, unable to express all he's wanted to say.</p><p>"I've been waiting for you," she speaks before he can try to complete his own sentence.</p><p>And that's all it takes; that's all he needs to be stripped bare of any dubiety. "You have? But you didn't know I would return."</p><p>Surprise drips off his voice but she doesn't let it turn into insecurity. "I did," she smiles at him, "ever since you left, I've been waiting for the day you'd come back to me."</p><p>"You still want me?"</p><p>"I'll always want you. I don't think I ever stopped."</p><p>He nods, stunned. "You have no idea how much I wanted to hear this."</p><p>"And you have no idea how much I wanted to say it. I'm sorry I always wait till the last moment to tell you how important you are to me."</p><p>Mon-El makes a negative sound in his throat, his head shaking." No more apologies," he reminds her.</p><p>"Okay," Kara says with a brief laugh. She watches him for a bit, studies his face and his eyes and the way he's responding to her closeness. A hand has ventured to her waist, another reluctantly reaching for the side of her face. His thumb moves in a slow caress across her cheek and she's losing herself in him, in the feelings he's awakening inside of her, in the hope blooming and leaking from her heart.</p><p>"Can we stay like this? Just for a few minutes?"</p><p>"We can. For as long as we want. I'm not going anywhere."</p><p>A sigh escapes him that quickly turns into an unexpected cough that grows stronger every time it repeats itself. His hairline is glistening with sweat, his knees shaking slightly, and the less air he's inhaling, the louder his ears start to ring. Kara's face gets blurry before his eyes shut tightly and his body doubles over. There's a distant voice calling for him, a pair of strong arms keeping him upright and standing, but the only thing piercing through the haze is his monitor beeping before the ship's alarms go off, notifying everyone about his haywire stats.</p><p>It isn't long before everything goes black. And he doesn't fight it. Instead, he welcomes it. He knows that when he wakes up again, Kara will be right there. Because she waited. And she wants him. And the only thing he has to do now is get better, so he can finally go get her.</p><hr/><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I stayed up till 6am to finish this, so I'm really hoping it was worth it and that you're gonna like it.<br/>(It's also been edited by my 6am brain, so beware!!)</p>
<p>Merry Christmas to those who celebrate and happy holidays to those who don't. Stay safe ❤️</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kara never thought she would find herself in this position again. Sitting by Mon-El's side, holding his limp hand into her own and counting his <em>beep beep beep</em>'s again and again, like it's the most important thing and she cannot miss a single one. She never thought, after the years that passed since the last time, that she would feel so helpless and useless while he withers away right in front of her. Yet here she is once more, not in a cold room in the DEO but in an unfamiliar bedroom in a spaceship, watching his chest rise and fall with each breath and refusing to blink for too long, as if he's going to disappear the moment she looks away.</p>
<p>He's going to be okay. Everybody has said it once or twice, though she doesn't know if it's supposed to comfort her or them. She knows she won't lose him; she's already making plans to prevent it. There's plan A and plan B and plan C... Still, every agonizing second that ticks by does little to soothe her. And every face joining her in the room fails to console her.</p>
<p>Alex walks in quietly and they exchange a weary glance. She takes another sample of Mon-El's blood to give Brainy, who's been working tirelessly all night, and doesn't say a word. She only stalls by the blonde's side for a moment, offering a reassuring touch and then she's gone again.</p>
<p>Winn shows up next with slumped shoulders and a permanent crinkle between his brows. "Brainy says he's making progress. He might have the new cure in a couple of hours," he speaks in a hushed tone.</p>
<p>There's something in the atmosphere that demands quietness. So Kara looks at him and whispers a reply: "does Mon-El have a couple of hours?"</p>
<p>"I don't know," he admits, "his condition wasn't supposed to worsen so much so fast. The doctors back at the Legion HQ told us we had a week before it got too bad."</p>
<p>"Then why? Why is he like this?"</p>
<p>"Brainy thinks it might be because of the time-travel. Time passes differently in the future than it does here."</p>
<p>With a nod, Kara turns toward Mon-El again. She fixes the sheet covering his immobile form, sliding the back of her hand across his cheek to check his temperature and frowns at the feeling. He's always run a little too hot, which was one of the reasons why she loved being in his arms. That warmth and security his embrace enveloped her with was her sanctuary when they were together. But now it's different; it's too warm. And the voice that could chase away every last one of her demons has been silent for too long.</p>
<p>Winn takes a few steps forward and leaves a stuffed giraffe by Mon-El's side. The quizzical look the blonde throws him results in a doleful smile from him. "It's Mr. Happy the giraffe. Mary adores him. But she also adores her MoMo, so she insisted I gave him to Mon-El until he gets better."</p>
<p>"That's sweet," she says and she doesn't mean for it to sound flat, but it does.</p>
<p>Her friend shrugs instead of offering a comment. "You should see him with her. He's such a good uncle. Ayla and I can't always understand the bond he and our little girl share, but we're grateful she has him. He's been a great help ever since she was born; always willing to babysit or spend time with her."</p>
<p>"I'm so happy for you, Winn. I'm sorry I wasn't there to share the most important moments of your life with you, but I'm so happy to see how your life has turned out. Ayla is so kind and amazing. And Mary is the sweetest, most beautiful kid."</p>
<p>"Thank you. It was all so unexpected. But it's a dream, you know? I wouldn't trade it for the world."</p>
<p>"I can see why," her features soften, a spark of joy lighting up her otherwise cloudy gaze. "How has he been?" she gestures at Mon-El.</p>
<p>"Honestly?" Winn drags a chair from the corner of the room and sits beside her. "It's been tough. But he wasn't complaining. At first we both thought that we'd eventually come back. But then Ayla and I got married, and Mary was born, and I settled in the future in a way I hadn't expected. I think that's when Mon-El started to give up. Not to mention we hadn't defeated Brainiac yet. It was never the right time for him to leave, so he started to accept it. He thought that was it."</p>
<p>"And what changed?" Kara wonders.</p>
<p>"Aside from his condition and what you already know?" She nods. "I'm not sure," he says, "I expected him to raise hell when we suggested that he had to leave. Every time I tried to have that conversation with him, he wouldn't hear it. He had too many responsibilities in the future, that's what he always told me. But I think that was only half of it. I think he was afraid."</p>
<p>"Afraid? Of what?"</p>
<p>Winn makes a grimace of uncertainty. "Maybe he didn't want it to backfire again. He knew you'd never ask him to stay, but it was killing him to have to leave."</p>
<p>"I think this time I will."</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>"I will ask him to stay. I've lost him so many times already, Winn. I'm not sure I can do it again."</p>
<p>A chuckle escapes him all of a sudden. There's more bitterness than amusement behind it, though. "You know, he once told me something along those lines too when you guys had gone to Argo."</p>
<p>"Really? I didn't know that."</p>
<p>The brunet's knee starts bouncing and he scratches his chin, skeptical. "I need to tell you something," he begins, his reluctance evident in the way he's avoiding looking the blonde in the eyes.</p>
<p>"What is it?" she asks. Noticing his nervousness, she rests a hand on his thigh to stop the fidgeting.</p>
<p>"I tried to get him to move on."</p>
<p>"Winn..."</p>
<p>"I'm sorry," he cuts her off, desperate to apologize before saying anything else. "I really am, but I'm not sure I regret it. I couldn't stand to see him so broken."</p>
<p>"Winn," Kara repeats, letting go of Mon-El's hand to grasp onto her friend's biceps, prompting him to look at her. "I'm not blaming you. I tried to move on too and I wanted him to do the same."</p>
<p>"Did it work?"</p>
<p>She shakes her head, her lips curving up on one side in a forced, heartless grin. "I'm starting to think it's never going to work. I don't know what's gonna happen between me and Mon-El, but I know that he's the one for me. Even if we don't end up together, he's the one."</p>
<p>"You should tell him that. When he wakes up."</p>
<p>"I will," she nods and leans down to press a kiss on Mon-El's forehead. If he hasn't heard everything she's admitted to Winn, then she hopes he can at least feel her touch. If he's forgotten how much she loves him, then she won't rest until he remembers.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>An hour has passed and the night has slipped by. The starlit sky is cracking open, flickers of sunlight slipping through the darkness to bring about a new day.</p>
<p>Kara has moved from her spot at the foot of Mon-El's bed only to lie down beside him. Her head is resting on his pillow, her arm permanently wrapped around his middle, yet the closeness and constant contact aren't helping their case. His heart is a ticking-time bomb right now, beating faster and faster until it inevitably explodes. And her own? Well, it's still working somehow, even though she's been leaving pieces of it behind every step she's taken tonight.</p>
<p>She can faintly hear the others talking and walking around the ship. Alex and Brainy are speaking their own language full of chemical and medical terms, J'onn and Winn are contemplating sending a distress call to the legion, Ayla is trying to put Mary back to sleep after a bad dream and James has just arrived, but he never got the chance to be excited about Winn's return before he got swept up in the chaos too.</p>
<p>For the past hour, nobody has joined Kara. She's requested some time alone with Mon-El, so they've only been slipping in and out whenever it's necessary. Thus, the blonde has had him all to herself; free to talk to him about anything and everything, cry with him, snap at him, beg him, complain to him. She's been angry and desperate and hopeful and grateful and betrayed and offended and understanding and impatient and complete and incomplete. She's kissed him and she's wanted to punch him. She's accused and apologized. She's been black and she's been white. But throughout it all, she's been in love. With all its ups and all its downs, she's been a woman terrified of losing the one she loves. And so everything can be explained because of this; everything can be justified.</p>
<p>Tears have been lingering at the corners of her eyes but she hasn't let them fall. Not until now. A hand rises to brush Mon-El's hair aside, her forehead presses against his temple and her eyelids shut tightly. Before, she wouldn't dare look away. Now, she can't stand seeing him like this. Talking to him and receiving no answer. Tickling his chin and not seeing his innocent little smile, like those mornings when she'd wake up before him and lure him out of his dreamland with sneaky touches and playful fingers.</p>
<p>She must have dozed off for a couple of minutes, because when she opens her eyes again, her face is buried in the crook of his neck and Alex is gently shaking her back into awareness.</p>
<p>"We think we have it," she says with a cautiously optimistic smile.</p>
<p>The words make the blonde sit up immediately. "Are you sure?" she asks.</p>
<p>"Of course I'm not sure, but I'm feeling more confident than any previous time." The redhead gives Mon-El the fourth trial shot through his IV, while Kara glances over at the entrance to see everyone gathered there, watching silently. For a minute, they're all holding their breaths, but as soon as the oxygen saturation number on one of the monitors rises up by six percent, it feels like a victory — a small one maybe, but a victory nonetheless.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>It's noon when he starts to stir and afternoon when he convinces her to let him get up and walk around. They end up in the kitchen, back where it all started. In less than twenty four hours she's had him, nearly lost him and gotten him back again. So nobody can blame her for being overprotective; nobody can fault her for not leaving his side.</p>
<p>They have dinner all together on the ship. Mon-El is not completely out of the woods yet, and the day is still dragging itself along with continuous tests and lingering fear and worry. It's the first time their family has gathered in its current form, though, and there's a certain joy in that. Plus, when there's a two-year-old making everyone swoon and stealing the spotlight, it's difficult not to forget any previous trouble — even if only for as long as a meal lasts.</p>
<p>The puking starts around midnight and his fever doesn't abate before the next dawn. Come morning of Christmas Eve, however, after spending a couple of hours under the surprisingly generous –for this time of the year– yellow sun, Mon-El is feeling better and Kara finally –albeit begrudgingly– agrees to go home (with him, <em>only</em> with him).</p>
<p>Stepping past the door of her loft together should be weird. And holding hands, no less. The last time she invited him to her place, he was married to someone else. The last time he <em>was</em> at her place, it had been their place instead, not just hers.</p>
<p>But it's not weird — not at all. After Mon-El takes a quick look around, seeing that everything is the same as he remembers, he already knows he's <em>home</em>. So it's the most natural thing. He may have been gone for a while, but Kara didn't try to erase his stigma. Even if it meant living with his ghost all this time; even if there have been days when it was awfully obvious the place was missing something (or, rather, someone). He's still in every corner, intertwined with her own ghost. And it makes sense, doesn't it? This loft bears witness of everything they used to be, everything they became and everything they're yet to turn into. That's how it's always been.</p>
<p>"What do you think?" she asks, giving his hand a squeeze before stepping away to put his bag in the bedroom.</p>
<p>"It looks..." with a slow swirl, he takes everything in and nods at the familiarity surrounding him, "the same."</p>
<p>"Yeah? I'm glad."</p>
<p>"Maybe a little more festive?" he smiles, eyeing the Christmas tree and the abundance of decorations.</p>
<p>"You know me," the blonde says with a shrug, "Christmas is my favorite."</p>
<p>"I like it."</p>
<p>She comes back and snakes two arms around his waist, looking him straight in the eyes. "How are you feeling? Are you up for some breakfast?"</p>
<p>"If you're making it, no," he feigns a disgusted grimace.</p>
<p>"Hey!" she hits his chest lightly, "I can cook!"</p>
<p>"If by cooking, you mean making a bowl of cereal, then okay, yes."</p>
<p>"It's still breakfast, isn't it?"</p>
<p>A laugh escapes him before he can respond, the corners of his eyes crinkling in that way she's always loved. "Can I take a shower first?" he asks instead and pecks the top of her head.</p>
<p>Kara mulls it over. Something comes to her mind, which he figures out as soon as she bites her lip and starts toying with the hem of his shirt. "Okay," is the only thing she says.</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>"Nothing." Her chin lowers.</p>
<p>"Kara." Lifting a hand, he strokes a thumb across her cheek encouragingly. "What is it?"</p>
<p>She looks at him again and takes a deep breath. His thumb continues its motions. "Can I join you?"</p>
<p>Her suggestion surprises him, causing his brows to raise. "Kara," he tries again, "I'm here. I'm fine. I'm not going to disappear the moment you look away."</p>
<p>"I know, I know, it's not that."</p>
<p>Her response relieves him. "Then what is it?" he asks.</p>
<p>"I just missed you. But if you don't want me to join you, it's okay. You can say it. I don't mind."</p>
<p>"Of course I want you to join me. But I don't want you to think you have to cater to me all the time."</p>
<p>The blonde rolls her eyes, good-natured. "You're such an idiot sometimes," a sigh accompanies the words and she stands on her tiptoes to place a chaste kiss on his lips. "I'm not catering to you, I'm trying to take care of you. And I'm not doing it because of any sort of obligation. I'm doing it because I love you. Is that clear?"</p>
<p>"Wait. Say that again?" he tries to joke but he's so awed, his voice comes out stunned.</p>
<p>"I love you," a wide grin stretches across her mouth.</p>
<p>There's a sparkle in his eyes she hasn't seen in a long time. The sight alone leaves her breathless.</p>
<p>"I'll never get tired of hearing this," he says.</p>
<p>"I love you. I love you. I love you," she reiterates — because she wants to; and because she can; but mostly because she's happy in that dopey-grin-butterflies-in-her-stomach way.</p>
<p>"I love you too."</p>
<p>They share a kiss that could be deeper but doesn't quite get there. It's soft; full of emotion rather than lust. And it's perfect for this moment.</p>
<p>More kisses like that follow as they stumble toward the bathroom, slowly undressing each other. The need to shed any layer furthering the distance they're so eager to erase is intense, but their touches aren't. They're all gentleness and wide smiles and small steps and dreamy eyes. And they move like that, as if they're dancing, as if they're floating.</p>
<p>They pause to turn the water on but it's difficult to pull apart completely. Especially given the fact they're almost naked at this point.</p>
<p>Kara's bathroom has a bathtub, yet they don't fill it up and slip in, opting to stand in it. The warm water falls upon their intertwined bodies, washing away memories and nightmares and bleeding wounds. There are new scars on their skin, which they choose not to see. The hopelessness falls down the drain, the pain is scrubbed off with soap. When his fingers slip through her hair, so do her insecurities. When her mouth trails down his neck, so do his doubts.</p>
<p>She dries him up and he combs her hair and they dress each other like they don't know how to work individually. And eventually, they end up on the couch with a blue blanket covering their mingled figures.</p>
<p>If they end up having cereal for breakfast, it's nobody's business. And if they spill milk on the carpet and wordlessly agree not to bother with it, nobody can prove it. It's Christmas Eve. They can do what they want.</p>
<p>They can dance around the living room singing jingle bells if it's what their hearts crave. They can make cookies and use the frost on each other rather than the baked goods if it makes them happy. They can say the Christmas tree needs to be redecorated if it gives them an excuse to do it together for the first time. They can drink hot chocolate and stain each other's faces if it makes them smile. And later, when their whole family has gathered again, they can show that trick to little Mary and have her go around leaving brown kisses on everyone's cheeks if it fuels that sparkle in their eyes.</p>
<p>On Christmas, they can kiss under the mistletoe. And on new year's, they can kiss once the clock strikes midnight.</p>
<p>They can ask the other to stay. They can promise each other forever. And if they're feeling adventurous, they can even get married if they want to. They can have a baby. And be in love. And be happy.</p>
<p>Perhaps, if it's meant to be, it will. <em>After all, it's endgame</em>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading. Please consider leaving a kudos and a comment telling me your thoughts, it'd mean so much to me.</p><p>The second (and hopefully last) part is still being written, but I'm planning to publish it tomorrow, just so you know ;)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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